Rules to travel by

We made the trip to Quebec City today. I haven't been in awhile, but here are some tips if you are ever considering it:

1. Remember in advance that unlike Gatineau, close to Ottawa, everything here is not necessarily English. There are not English menus available. There aren't piles of English people available to explain what haché means. Unlike Hull, if you don't know a word by now, you are probably moderately stuck at understanding it. This does not include heavily touristic areas where everyone can speak English.

2. Buy gas at the gas station before lunch, not after. We actually ate at a truck stop. I think it was called Big Truck Stop. It was fantastic. We bought gas at 1.08 before going in. By the time we finished, it was 1.23 a litre. Not cool.

3. Beware of deer. I don't have to tell you this one. There are progressively more terrifying and gender specific beware of deer signs the entire trek. It starts off with sets of 2 signs next to each other, that make it look like does wander into the highway and then the bucks follow them. Then there are actual images of cars hitting deer. Finally, it settles on just female deer. No wait males. Females. Males chasing females. You get the idea.

4. Don't speed in Ontario. Usually I follow this rule for Quebec. Within the first 45 minutes of our trip we passed at least 10 police cars pulling people over. No exaggeration. Within the first 30 minutes, I had my first speeding ticket in 4 years. Approximately 5 minutes later, I almost had my second. Apparently when the first guy said `slow down` he meant to below the speed limit.

5. Don't travel with my mom. Just kidding. I totally love my mom. But, you know, she has the most obscure requests. For instance, we go to a Tim Horton's. I order a café mocha. It doesn't change (as far as I'm concerned - I hate the word mochaccino) in French. My mom wants a tea. But not any tea, tea with a tea bag, in spite of the fact that they usually sell steeped tea. With three creams. On the side. Weirdly enough, they got the order perfect, in spite of my limitations in French grammar. As my mom pointed out, that's impressive even if you order completely in English on a regular day.

6. Ask if you figure that 99 cent deal is way too good to be true. Seriously. I had myself convinced it said '99 cents off' but I thought, I'll just check... and sure enough. Best deal on pajama bottoms ever.

Follow these rules, and you will be set for at least day 1. More to follow.

Why I'll never be able to seduce my way to the top

"Wow Lisa, is that shirt like, low-cut enough for your presentation to this all girls class ?"

I looked around. He had a point. I actually just wore it because it was comfortable. But if, in fact, I was wearing it because I happened to have a presentation with a peer evaluation [which I did], he made a good point. Girls don't like slutty. And on any given day there is, at most, three guys present in this course. Today, there was only him.

"Oh no Todd, I wore this one all for you [insert scandalous wink here, possible accentuation of cleavage]"

Todd and I both know it doesn't work on him. Somehow, in a fourth year university course on French Caribbean Literature with approximately 17 students, I managed to encounter someone I've known since I was 12. Who isn't a French major.

Plus, he has a girlfriend. And we were in musical theatre together in high school, so there are no surprises here.

Fiasco also known as presentation ensues, and afterwards he smirks at me.

"So, was I hot enough for an A?"

"Oh, I don't know about that..."

Next time I'll have to wear a skirt.

My Pet Robot

So I'm back at home today. With a few hours of free time, I figured I'd get some vacuuming done. If you have read my past posts, you know that means pushing a button and then laughing at the cat-vacuum cleaner dynamics in full swing, as I have an iRobot vacuum cleaner, basically the coolest invention ever.

Within about ten seconds, I get the "I'm in trouble" bell. I push the button to see what the damn thing needs. Please clean Roomba's brushes, it says. It actually says that out loud.

Fuck that, I say, and push the button to continue. As I walk back into my room, the robot goes straight into the kitchen and hits the cat's water dish as hard as it can, spilling water all over the floor and itself. It then proceeds to stop, and turn its trouble alert on for a second time. Please clean Roomba's brushes.

As I clean its brushes this time around, I try to recover from the fact that my freaking Robot just actively misbehaved when it didn't get what it wanted. Finally, it was on its way, and within another 5 minutes it managed to open the not-fully-closed bathroom door, and shut the door behind itself. I'm not one for internet lingo, but seriously.... WTF?

I released it and sent it on its way once again, after which it was content chasing the cat around the apartment. Oh, and my floors are now clean.

Socks of the day

These match. They are both Tommy Hilfiger!

No speaka dee Engrish

I have two close friends in my program with whom I take most of my classes, and often we laugh because we all have different first languages, and all speak three languages, which occasionally makes for some interesting dynamics.

One of their favourite stories, however, is the time I was trying to describe a play in English, my first language. The word was not coming to me, so finally I said the closest thing I could come up with. "You know, one of those things... a piece of theatre?"

"You mean a play?"

"Right. Une pièce de thèâtre"

"Aren't you the English one?"

"Really, who knows anymore?"

Password envy

I once got a call out of the blue from someone I hadn't spoken to in about 5 months.

"Hey Lisa, what are you?"

"What?"

"What are you? I'm trying to login to my computer, and I know you set the password last year, and the password hint is "What Lisa is," so, what are you?"

"Uh, awesome? Gorgeous? [I like to talk myself up] I don't know, I could have said anything. It was last year. You haven't logged in since last year?"

"No."

"Sorry, I really don't know. Nice?"

"Nope, alright. I'll keep trying. Talk to you later."

Half an hour later, I get another call.

"You're a DUCK!"

"What?"

"I asked my roommate and he was like, don't you always say Lisa looks like a duck? And he was right!"

Sure enough, it worked. It's a good thing someone remembers how much I get made fun of.

Unofficially, Post #100

So I just took the longest half-block walk to ever have existed.

As you know I'm staying at a friend's, and he has a dog that loves to play. Usually when I'm around it's limited to car rides, running around in the yard, and throwing toys, but today, I could tell, he had something different in mind.

He gave me this look. I don't know if you noticed, but there is 18 feet of snow on the lawn, and although I'm usually pretty easy-going about going in the yard when you are watching me, it is so not happening today, and there is no way I'm going on the driveway.

I stood up in understanding, and he jumped around in circles, mentally shouting, Eureka! It's walk time! Lets GOOOOOOOO!!

I found a car door high enough up off the ground to open (not the front door, alas) and retrieved my snow pants. This was going to be interesting.

What didn't occur to me was that the path was going to be less plowed than the roads, and there is snow up to my waist. Not the kind that is strong enough to hold you up, either.

It was taller than the freaking dog, a large old english sheepdog that towers over most dogs. The path is behind the house but we walked around on the road to get to it, approximately one house down. By the time I actually got behind our house, I was panting and sweating like I had just run a marathon, and there was NO WAY he was finding a place to go to the washroom here. I didn't think I'd even make it back if I went much further, at least not without snow shoes. So, I guess he will be digging a spot out on the lawn, because at least it has sides.

Always the romantic..

"You smell good."

"Like Vaporub?"

"No, like aftershave. But I hope you know, the smell of Vaporub is going to remind me of you for the rest of my life."